It all begins with us…
So we will start at the very beginning, with the couple that brings a child into the world and with their relationship.
We are living in times of profound change where old forms of relating are slowly fading away… the marriage contract that has set the stage for the past 400 years is falling apart. The till life do us part is replaced by many new functional and dysfunctional forms of connecting to the other. For people who have a hard time letting go the changes that are occuring will probably feel disruptive, harsh and lead to more of their fear-based patterns that aim at controlling their life circumstances and the people in their life. This attempt to control and hold on to something that provides security blocks all flow of life within and without. Many people experience a lot of bewilderment and uncertainty. This is deeply impacting the younger generations that are just discovering their way of being in the world and how to relate to the other outside of the context of their upbringing. There is a lot of trial and error going on, a lot of gender and role confusion, especially as most of the older generations carry as much confusion as the younger generations do. And even for those that are open to change it can be quite challenging when they have nothing to rely on within themselves and are still trying to find something outside of them to hold on to. There is no real inner peace or fulfillment to be found in that external search.
Human Design´s “follow your strategy and honor your inner authority” provides a tool that shows you how to find yourself again (under the all the things that you have been conditioned with and you have piled onto yourself) and to know how to enter into relationships according to what and whom your body is really open and receptive to. You will be able to differentiate between what works for you and what does not work for you, so you do not end up in make-pretend relationships that you thought you needed to have with people that seemed to fulfill your mental expectations of what your life and your relationship should look like just to discover that neither the person nor the relationship are ever able to meet your expectations. Expectations create a fixed points of view that impede the flow of life-force and therefore prevent true fulfillment. Being able to rely on yourself to know what is correct for you takes the power away from the mental plane and the conditioned patterns (mental attitudes that you have taken in and on from the world around us) that have nothing to do with you. Knowing how to rely on your own inner wisdom hands the power back to you because you can choose what works for you and life can flow through you uninhibitedly, expressing your uniqueness.
Given it is not necessary to have a functional or even aware couple to have a child, as all it takes is copulation, being able to put body parts together, many children are born into rather interesting and sometimes unfortunate circumstances. No matter what your circumstances are, as parents, may you be a couple, a single parent, or the adoptive parents, you can give your children the chance to have a fulfilling, beautiful, and healthy journey. All they need is the freedom and space to be themselves. They come into the world fully aware and with all that they need to start out on this amazing journey. Creating a conducive environment for your children to come into the world and play out their unique role within the big picture gives them the opportunity to gift us all with their invaluable contribution and this always begins with you. It always comes back to you. And our children will coax and prod us to grow and expand in any area of our lives that we are unaware, complacent, or just plainly not ourselves. It all begins with us being aware of ourselves, being aware of how we relate to others and how we can consciously choose the partner or partners that our body is open to engage in sexuality with. Sexuality is the ultimate creation, the creation of a new human being. Are you aware who your body is genuinely open to be intimate with?
So it all begins with us…
The adults, the parents, and their relationship dynamics. And it does not matter what kind of relationship you have as long as it is correct for you. And no, in my perspective, no abusive dynamic is ever healthy or correct for anyone, even if we may encounter them to encourage our growth during our journey on this plane. Human Design hands you practical tools that can support you in knowing what works for you.
In times of heightened infertility and in vitro fertilization science has made it possible to conceive without having sex, yet most of the time even that happens within the context of a couple trying to conceive a child. Human Design gives us a deep insight into the relationship between these two people that are creating a child. First of all you can look at the blueprint of each individual person by itself, the bodygraph, then you can look at the dynamics that arise within the partnership by taking a look at the so-called connection chart (two individual charts are brought together to create the chart of the relationship itself). The connection chart describes where we mutually influence or condition each other so we can have a clear awareness what we bring to the equation and what we are taking in from our partner. This knowing allows a person to stay connected to themselves within the relationship as they know exactly which areas they are open to receive outside information and where their partner is conditioning them. All of us carry some form of empathy and we can clearly specify where those areas are. We can distinguish the similarities (companionship channels), the areas where the partners will encounter the most difficulties (compromise channels), and where one person is setting the tone of the relationship in certain areas (dominance channels). We can distinctly describe compatibility (profile, Nodes of the Moon) and highlight challenging areas, where the partners have a completely different set-up. Being aware of all these things can make it easier to know what is something that can be changed and where it is necessary either to completely accept the difference between both partners and simply be inspired and enriched by their difference or find creative ways of dealing with those differences that works for all involved.
Human Design allows us to see the unique individual, the relationship dynamics and therefore we have a clear way of being able to engage in healthy, nourishing, empowering relationships which are built on emotional clarity, self-awareness (which is an ongoing process), the knowledge of how to enter into relationships correctly (meaning into those relationships that your body and therefore your life-force, supports, desires, or wishes for), and how to stay open to the flow of life within the relationship.
Awareness for yourself and your decision making process:
The key to any relationship is having awareness for yourself, having the ability to relate to yourself, knowing what works for you, and also being honest to acknowledge what works and what does not work for you. What works for you can change while you develop, heal, and grow yourself. Following your strategy allows the right forces (people, energies, frequencies) to enter your life and honoring your inner authority allows you to know which forces are for you and which are not.
Most people adhere to old conceptions of how a relationship has to be, often these are blindly taken on from their parents, their social environment, or the movies. Or they have listened to the next big relationship guru who told them what their relationship should look like and what to do so their relationship to make that happen. Underneath all of this external input most people have no idea about what actually makes them thrive in relationships, who to be in relationship with and even less how to stay true to themselves in relationships because the first thing they loose is themselves when they enter into relationships.
Each person is unique. When more and more people begin to live out their uniqueness, we encounter that no relationship is the same as any other. Two unique individuals coming together create something unique which is an expression of their qualities coming together and something new is generated or manifested. Any relationship is beyond comparison. We can share our experiences and inspire and empower others to be themselves in their unique expression of relationship. There can be similarities as we encounter them in Human Design as well, like sharing the same type, yet each of us has their own specific way how this type is lived out in its entirety. When we open up to our uniqueness we can stop comparing and let go of the old conceptualizations and fantasies of how relationships have to be and really be present with what is. Opening up to the possibility of a new way of relating implies we surrender to the flow of life and trust ourselves and life itself instead of trying to control the outcome. This is where creation is possible. This openness to encounter through our body’s wisdom what works for us and what does not allows for the aliveness and truth of each one of those unique relationships to unfold. Your body always knows.
Trust your body’s innate wisdom.
Gaining self awareness is very helpful when it comes to relating with yourself and others. Human Design allows you to look at your blueprint, the way you are built to experience life in this body and in my experience the blueprint has resonated deeply with everyone I have worked with. Knowing how you are built enables you to become aware of who you are, being able to listen to what your body is telling you and through that stop encountering constant resistance. Listening to your body brings deep enjoyment to your life experience even when you meet challenges.
In this day and age there are still many people that are rather living a lie instead of resting in their own truth. They have a hard time to be without an external relationship because they lack the most important relationship there is, the relationship to themselves. When you start to be yourself, the relationship with yourself is a dynamic and changing and beautiful experience in and of itself. You can learn something new every day and this relationship to yourself enables you to fully enter into relationships with others without loosing yourself or trying to fill a hole within because you are the one that was missing in the first place. This hole cannot be filled by anyone or anything else on the outside, no matter how hard you try. It can only be filled by your own essence, presence, and awareness of your own being. This is the gift that experimenting with the strategy and authority of your Human Design blueprint can bring you. It facilitates the awareness in your life. It brings you back to your body and away from your mind. You begin to breathe consciously and become present in your body and therefore your life. This presence and awareness in turn make it possible for you to be in communion with other people, the sweetest form relating to the other.
Entering into relationships that work for you and the other:
When you become aware of yourself and are actively engaged in the most important relationship in your life, the relationship with yourself, you are ready to enter into relationship with the other. You can know how to enter correctly into any form of relationship, be it friendship or partnership. By beginning any relationship you enter into a new experience with another person. Entering according to your type and authority creates a true foundation for the relationship to be built upon and to evolve from. It can be a very grounded relationship, however long it is thriving and alive.
As a short detour on the ending of relationships. It does not have to be painful and excruciating as it is made out to be and most of us experience it. This is just a result of all the enmeshment. When a relationship based on truth has run its course, it can gently fall away like the blossom of a flower falls off its stem when it has withered and is ready to enter into a new cycle. People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Anyone we encounter can be a precious contribution to our life’s journey and only we ourselves know what they mean to us. Mostly this happens in hindsight, so do not worry about having to know what role a person plays in your life, enter into your relationships correctly, enjoy your experiences together, be alive, and see what is possible between you or not. Your body will always guide you in any moment. I have seen so many people coming together where there was no true energetic foundation for the relationship and they still tried to make something happen. These whatevers feel very hollow, even empty and take a lot of effort and energy to be held up. Anything in life that is meant to happen is easy and effortless. Relationships that are correct for you may still bring on challenges and conflicts that enable you to grow yet they always have an underlying ease and effortlessness to them.
The ease of relationships that are correct for you make it possible for you to be yourself and evolve within your sphere of being instead of pretending to be something or someone you are not, trying to fulfill a role, or trying to make the other person happy (which never works). Any relationship you enter into correctly will bring you more awareness, knowing, and wisdom. Are you open to truly relate to yourself and others?
Emotional clarity is the bedrock of relating:
Emotional clarity is the foundation of all intimate relationships. So taking your time when entering into romantic/sexual partnerships will make it clear who you are meant to enjoy your sexual energy with and who you are here to gift to and receive from on any or all the other levels that we can connect on with another. We can share our experiences, we can share patterns we see for the future, we can support each other and we can empower the uniqueness of the other by being ourselves. All of these things do not necessarily need to be mushed up with sexuality and they often are. Taking your time to get to know the other is essential for the initial sparks to settle into a depth and calmness of the emotional field.
Sexual relations are the basis for children to come into this world. Therefore parents can create a nourishing environment by entering correctly into those intimate relationships and waiting to be clear with whom their body really wants to become sexual with. Given sexuality can be pleasurable and for many it is the only pleasure they have in a life devoid of joy and ease, this pleasure may never comes close to what is actually possible for them. Being able to use contraception is often not conducive to further awareness when it comes to sexuality. Not that I have anything against contraceptive methods. It just further illustrates how many people do not even notice what happens when they have sex and their body is not open to experience this level of energetic sharing with the other. And many people rob themselves of a deeper and more intimate connection with the other that brings them closer to their own being instead of taking them away from themselves by getting completely mixed up with the other person. All it takes is time, the time to wait while enjoying the energetic dance of your bodies without being sexually intimate and allowing this time to get to know the other on more levels than just their physical body. You eliminate emotional clarity and this deep recognition of the other when you jump into bed immediately. There is a beauty in this meeting place before you become physically intimate that can create a foundation for future experiences together and you will encounter what true intimacy really implies. Only through time emotional clarity can arise and inform you if it is merely an attraction based on opposites or if there is a depth to the connection that your bodies are ready to take to a deeper level. Just hopping into bed together takes away a lot of magic and limits the pleasure that is possible to be experienced in an emotionally clear relationship. And again as long as you aware that having intercourse can result in having children, there is nothing wrong if you are not looking for depth or magic or simply want to enjoy the pleasure that sexual encounters bring to you (or not). Only you can know what works for you! I am just here to see if you feel inspired to try something new.
Do you know who you are and how to engage in life? Your type leads to your strategy, your inner authority allows you to first of all have a choice and then to know how to choose what actually suits you. With Human Design you can go as deep into the exploration of your own or your partner’s or your childrens´ innate qualities as is appropriate and enjoyable for you. Following your strategy and honoring your inner authority is sufficient to live as yourself and experience satisfaction, peace, success, and surprise.
Are you present in your connections? You can either create or stagnate… creating implies life is naturally unfolding and flowing freely, beyond all mental agendas, beyond control, or holding on to what has long past or never had any truth to it in the first place. If relationships are treated like boxes that we stuff ourselves and others in, there is no more room to grow or breathe. All aliveness disappears and everything becomes stagnant and dead. Relationships are emotional experiences that we explore with the other that actually comes along on this venture and who knows who that will be?
Are you open to receiving life or are you mentally engaging in what you think should be happening? Receiving who and what is actually there, not what you think you need or want out of a relationship. You cannot make a projector pretend to be a generator without burning them out, you cannot force a generator to do something when their sacral has said unun (no), you cannot make a manifestor do something when they have no impulse to do it, and you cannot make a reflector stop mirroring their environment when it is clearly out of order. You can try all of those things, it will be stressful, take a lot of effort, and lead to bitterness, frustration, anger, and a whole lot of disappointment. Relationships that are meant to be have an effortlessness and groundedness and liveliness to them.
What is possible for future relating? Relationships can be peaceful, satisfying, successful, surprising, easy, free, full of space, and most of all completely alive. Something bigger emerges when two people come together and to watch any relationship unfold is beautiful and enriching. Relationships based on truth and spirit encourage and often provoke you to be yourself in all the areas you have not been able to live out your true nature.
Children learn how to be in connection with themselves and others through their parents. They take on what is presented to them and adjust to the rules set by the family and society they are born into. Sometimes they rebel against those rules which and underneath they still adhere to the rules imposed upon them by fighting against them. When two people living out their true nature come together, there is a level of depth and aliveness that is unparalleled. It is beautiful to watch that more and more couples are opening up to a new way of relating. If you are interested in looking at a few examples you can check out Jada Pinkett Smith and her life partner Will Smith who are openly speaking out about their new way of being with each other. Another beautiful couple extraordinaire is Dharmen and Leela Swann-Herbert. Relationships are living, dynamic entities that keep unfolding or fall away easily when they have run their course.
It is not about trying to make any old relationship work when you can be yourself and be in relationships that work for you and your partner. What a fertile ground we can create for new generations of children to grow up in, to be themselves from the beginning, and actualize their full potential without encountering resistance! Children (as well as all adults) are meant to be able to enjoy their journey in this body…
Are you ready for a completely new way of relating where consciousness is the foundation of relationships and everyone’s uniqueness is honored and celebrated so these relationships can be starting point for the coming generations?
Images of bodygraphs and connections charts are taken from my favorite Human Design program, Neutrinos Through Windows © Erik Memmert. Check out www.NewSunWare.com.
Thanks to the contributors of Unsplash whose beautiful photography makes these post so much more accessible. Check out https://unsplash.com.